God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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