singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
