I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
