girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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