ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
