I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There's always time for handjobs
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
