hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
