I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize