we made out on top of his cat.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Randomize
