he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
