if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
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