next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
