ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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