So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
