Sry I called you an 8
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
soo... how was my night?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
