just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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