i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
