I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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