Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
