Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize