3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
