I faked an abortion last night.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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