Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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