I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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