ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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