we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
