I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
