Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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