i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize