So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
