take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
