Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
