the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
