Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
