I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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