Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
