i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
