It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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