i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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