I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
