I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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