Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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