I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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