He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
