its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
