take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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