Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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