it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
