Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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