I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
