i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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