he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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