OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
