This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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