Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
