i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
