I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
