is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
