he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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