I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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