Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
