your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
