I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
