She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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