Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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