we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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