2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
