her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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