you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
