I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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