Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
this just has baby written all over it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
