I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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