y did u give ur computer a hand job?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
