Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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