The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
