I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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