i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize